♥ Nowell

2010-04-11T09:07:00.000-07:00

Doesnt mean you dont understand how someone's heart can broke into piece, how you can tear someone down, then you can hurt that person so deeply.
Cause it's because of you, such person, that why people tend to hate their past, tend to hide, tend to run away. Because they are afraid, afraid of being hurt again. Afraid of open up their heart and end up what they get back was just something heart-broken, something that cause them to stop moving on. Just because of the selfishness, you make someone paid the price, and that was how huge the price is.

They were actually dreaming big, waiting for fairytales to appear, waiting for something. Do you even understand how it feels to wait for something that's beautiful to turn out to be something else, do you even understand because of your act, your words, people will tend to avoid everyone. To hide @ a corner, but who understand all this.

2010-04-06T23:48:00.000-07:00

I'm tired, tired of being a hero trying to save people around when I cant even save myself.

I'm tired, tired of pretending that I dont when I actually care.

I'm tired, tired of loving and then choosing my own path to stop all this.

I'm tired, tired of nightmares that will reminds me of every incident and scar I've in the past.

I'm tired, tired of pushing people away.

I'm tired, tired of loving those that I couldnt love.

I'm tired, tired of hurting those I love.

I'm tired, tired of my life. Just feel like ending it the next minute of time.

2010-01-27T22:51:00.000-08:00

Okay people I'm not blogging here anymore I GUESS?

I'm fickle-minded remember! yes, maybe I'll change here & there!

http://ilnthm.tumblr.com this's my new blog! hHAAH! BYEBYE!

LOVESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

2010-01-25T11:26:00.000-08:00

It's adding colour into my life.

Alright, Today was totally not a good day.

I declare now that I hate today, it was totally super wtf can.

And luckily someone cheer me up:) THANKS THANKS.

And yesyes, I FREAKING FEEL LIKE MURDERING PEOPLE.

If you dont even trust why bother to ask or say it out?

What's the freaking point man, get a life please. Cant be bothered to explain.

Yes, okayokay. Enough of chanting.

So yes did I told you, within 2 days and yes:)

I'm now @ episode 17:)

HAPPY! SUPER NICE CAN! OHMYGOD!

I LOVE THIS PHOTO!

Okay, bye! I shall get going. Watching Hi, my sweetheart now:)

2010-01-23T10:55:00.000-08:00

It's party time, & I want to say :

Alright, today was great. Went to celebrate winnie's birthday with primary schoolmates.

Yeah, super funny. Had waraku @ marina square.

Then SB came to find me, after that headed home.

Watching Xia Yi Zhan Xin Fu, AWESOME!

I've been crying & crying for that show:(:(

Hi my sweetheart just come out new episode:) Super happy!

And damn it, I'm going to watch finish that soon. Meaning, another drama:):)

Okay I shall continue to watch my drama:)

LASTLY,

HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY TO WINNIE TAN,

You've been such a "buddy sister", Thanks for being there whenever I need.

There're tons of time, we always quarrel but I know at the end of it, we'll always get back together. And may all your wishes come true, ILOVE YOU!:DDDD

Happy 19th BIRTHDAY TO KAISHENG,

Heyhey even though, I know you wont see this post. But well, hope your wishes come true.

And thanks for everything:D

2010-01-21T05:07:00.000-08:00

It's aweseome.

Alright, Went to town to find raj & fel.

walked around @ ion, brought clothes @ new look, money gone:(:(

I'm feeling super heartache can:(

I'm totally broke for this month, or the entire week. I'm spending money like tap water, most importantly, I dont know what I spent-.-
Because it's either out with mummy & spent it, or cliques.

Okay, back to it. After which went to outram, ate chicken mee @ the market there.

YUMMY! I love the mee, so QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ!

Then home sweet home:) Wanted to find aunt but then too tired to find.

And that stupid turtle keep saying I bully him now, HAHA! So loser can:P

Anw, I shall get going. WATCHING DRAMA! LOVES.

2010-01-18T12:05:00.000-08:00

Cause you're the one; that I want to hold your hands with, through this journey.

Alright, I just forgotten I dint update about yesterday.

Had dian xin @ the afternoon with uncle, sister, sister's bf & mummy.

YUMMY, not bad for a 5 stars hotel:)

After which went around bugis junction area to shop, then sister & her bf went for work.

Left me & mummy & uncle, headed around & uncle left for massage.

Went around and walked & yes that's when all my $$ flied.

two-hundreds-dollars, & mostly, it wasnt mine.

It was for my sister(s), mummy & daddy. I only brought 2 tops, hairbands & ear stud.

But it was super fun, mummy's a joker man. Keep making me laugh:)

Oh, I saw aaron & lester @ BJ too!

After which, waited for uncle to drive us to orchard for dinner.

AND I SWEAR, THE FOOD THERE'S LIKE AWESOME! JAP. FOOD:):):)

Those friendly service too:) It's @ lucky Plaza there, 4th level if I'm not wrong.

Then home sweet home;)

Today went out with the mental people, everyone were not in good mood.

Which I've no idea why, but I enjoyed hitting raj:)

HAHA! and the joke in page one:):)

So went up to the open air space @ vivo city to play water.

It was fun at least to me, splashing baby water & she kicking water-.-

Ate @ superdog, and it was when I started to miss all those past I have.

Thoughts just keep rewinding on my mind, nothing could stop it.

Making me hard to breathe, hard to see through things. It's all full with thoughts & past.

At that moment, I hoped I have a doramon with me, to rewind back to where it was suppose to be.

AND YESYES, I SAW SHOOTING STAR! I MADE A WISH & guess what?

SB dint, LOSER! HAHA!

I dont know why, but it's like somehow I understood the meaning of life.

God would return you something good when you lost something precious.

That's how life goes on, everyone live in their fear & never get to step out.

No matter how hard they tried, sometimes, things just remain the same.

The only way's to face it bravely, never ever try to be a tortoise, hiding inside your shell.

It's time to pluck out all your courage, get out of your comfortable shell & fight with it.

Perhaps, it's. I know action speaks louder than words.

Okay, I dont know what's wrong with me this few days, suddenly I trusted more on this kind of stuff.

Bye people I shall go offline now, if not SB's gonna murder me:)

LOVES!

2010-01-17T10:40:00.000-08:00

Cause tonight's gonna be a goodgoodnight.

Sorry people, I'm little emotional now. Perhaps not little but much.

I'm sorry for causing anyone around me to get worry for me.

I just read finished one book, it's called This's my story.

It's based on the true life story of a 18years old girl.

Just reading the title, it caught my eyes.

Perhaps, I'm a Gemini & interested in every life experiences and story that's why this book caught my attention and attracted me to buy.

After reading this book, it makes me understand alot of things.

"Everything has its place & time and everything happens for a good reason" -

what a good quote right, its really make me think hard & recall hardly for the past & hurtful memories.

JUST BECAUSE:

I always tend to run away from hurtful memories & the past which I hatred the most.

And that I want to erase off totally from my life, it's a pain of having these memories.

It brought me lots of pains, heartbroken, fear & every afraid of things that I wanted or desired for.

Perhaps, it's time to stop running & face the facts.

Stop day-dreaming & hiding from my past & hurtful memories, it's a sign to tell me.

" Nowell, face it bravely stop avoiding. It has been years for you to run & hide like a coward."

This really knocked me hard, I'm suddenly awake, and have the courage to face all this. [I hope it's not just for this moment of time]

This fear has lived with me for 5years+ and also others that add on to this fear, this burden, and thoughts of getting out of my comfortable room & step out.

Perhaps, all this while I've been protecting myself, laying a invisible shell within myself & others.

It's time, time to get on. I cant just live in my world for the rest of my life, I dont want to disappoint people around me. Especially those I loved. It takes time to walk out slowly, move on slowly.

After years of protecting myself, getting use of all this "realistic life" I'm getting all along.

Sometimes I blame the god, blame him for landing me to such a state. Blame destiny for going that path that ruined me.

But as times goes by, I know it's all me. Not anyone else.

Cause destiny lies in my hand, fate's just a guide line. IT'S ALL ME, WITH NO ONE.

I was shocked or amused by how this book can totally changed my thoughts.

It's like OHMYGOD CAN!

Even years of friends, my beloved family & who's close to me cant change my thinking, my characters & many. How can such a book make me wanna learn more, move on.

And get a life out there, rather than crying over spilt milk.

Life's like a roller coaster, there're ups & downs.

You wont know the next minute what you will land in, happy? Or sad?

So much for a emotional Gemini, there's twin. REMEMBER?

Just as I agree with my horoscope, my emotional controls me & my mind.

It TAKES OVER CONTROL OF everything, a new start for this year & a good start.

18 years old indeed, it's time to get alittle serious:)

But also FUNFUNFUN!

Suddenly, I saw the light that enlighten me to another path. Something which I desired for.

Sorry for being like this, it just makes me wanna share it.

I guess it'll also bring joys & enlightenment to people who're suffering or worst:)

cause I know all this's gonna be gone & a brand new life's waiting for us ahead.

"Every person you meet, come into your life either for a reason, a season or a lifetime"

-my favourite quote for now:DDD

2010-01-17T07:37:00.000-08:00

"Fate doesnt lies on the hand of humans but by the
god.Cause you wont know what you would get, would recall,
would think, would happen, would act. But gods know & controlling all this." xoxo,well

2010-01-16T09:44:00.000-08:00

You make me wanna hold you in the middle of the night;

Okay I type out a whole page of words & stupid blogger,

It was all gone, BLOODY HELL":(:(:(

Okay fine, I shouldnt be chanting like a mad woman:)

So yeah, slept till 4pm today, because I was freaking sick & tired.

Ate panadols & headed to sleep:)

After which, prepared & went to JP to meet SB.

Went around to bank then after which went to city hall:):)

Brought books from MPH & the book are awesome:D

went to eat @ taiwan cafe there:)

YAY! super yummy, but freaking full. HAHA!

So headed to find aunt , chatted & SB sent me home:D

HOME SWEET HOME:)

Sorry Zhiliang, was in a rush back home, dint called you:(

& yes, tomorrow outing with mummy & bestie:):):)

I'M LOVING IT:)

Lastly, picture of the day:)

MY GIRLS<3

AWESOME CLASSMATES, AWESOME FRIENDS, AWESOME HONEY, AWESOME PRECIOUS & AWESOME BABY(S)

Nights people, shall go to bed now.

I'm having headache again:(

2010-01-15T10:42:00.000-08:00

ILOVEYOU:)

Baby! SUPER ULTRA CUTE!

It's freaking going to 3am now, I'm still awake:(
Such a sad life man, I've been watching youtube.
I'm getting addicted to all this again, damn!
Bestie just complained that I dint called her but keep watching youtube, LOL!

The dance moves are awesome, especially the korean studio ones.
Good dance plot & stuff:):)
I'm still figuring out which course to get:(

Hard to decide, remember I'm fickle-minded:)
So yesyes, bestie is busy tomorrow:( But it's okay meeting her on sunday:)
LOVES!

And people, you're getting on my nerves! Stop asking the same question, RESULTS!RESULT!
What else? which poly and stuff, oh man! After so long, you're still asking the same question.
I feel like murdering them! ARUGH!

Okay, I should stop chanting and chanting.
Anw, did I tell you I miss DINOS! Imiss AWESOME PEOPLE THERE:(:(:(

I seriously have no idea what the hell I'm typing, I'm starting to type some alien language now.
DAMN IT!

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

IMISSMYCHILDHOOD:(:(

MY OLD DAYS!:(:(

SHE'S FREAKING CUTE! I SWEAR! LOVES!

LASTLY,

GOODNIGHT ALL:):)

2010-01-15T08:38:00.000-08:00

Cause everytime the storyline changes;

Today's the end of JAE admission, I dint get a chance to amend it again.

But it's okay, I'll wait till the result of poly admission out then go for appeal:)

Anw, dint went to work today, wasnt feeling well.

I miss work, I miss crazy sugo & others.

I went to JP to take my paid with raj, -.-"

We were like crapping all the time, stupid!

So ate my lunch + dinner @ MOS burger.

Then headed to popular, looking out for books. LOL!

Couldnt find the book then went to vivo city,

I swear we were laughing like mad in the mrt, HAHA!

FREAKING FUNNY!!!

Reached there, couldnt find that book,

But raj sat there and read for an hour time. -.-

Home sweet home after that.

Super tired now, going out with mummy tomorrow:) & perhaps my girls tomorrow:):):)

Since how long did I last go out with my mummy & my girls:(, was super busywith stuff.

But it's okay, shopping time tomorrow:):)

Going to call bestie now, nights all:):)

WITH LOVEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!<3

2010-01-13T18:37:00.000-08:00

I've to say, I miss you:)

Sorry for not updating my blog, was too busy with working & poly admission.

Alright, work was fun fun fun & FUN!

Especially with the little kids around me, it make it more awesome!

Oh ya, did I told you about the DSI! awesome one with its camera functions, chat rooms & its sound recording.

I'm thinking of getting one:DDD

Okay, I shall get going! Working @ IMM today:D

PICTURES:

My favourite little girl:)

SUPER ULTRA CUTE!

CAT! LOL!

LOVESSSS!

& LASTLY, PICTURE OF THE DAY:)

SUGO<3<3

BYE PEOPLE:DDDD

2010-01-11T09:34:00.000-08:00

Today was such a disappointing one, never expect myself to get such a point for my best 2 subject.

I hate it man, super sucky:(:(

Tons of people are crying, either joy of tears or sadness.

Sigh, But it's okay life have to go on.

I've to sleep now, working tomorrow:(

Bye!

2010-01-08T08:46:00.000-08:00

Imiss all dinos, superdog, queensway secondary school:(

My AWESOME 112'05, 212'06, 311'07, 411'08, 511'09.

& MY PRIMARY SCHOOL CLASSMATE, SCHOOLMATES:(:(:(

I swear:( When I think of those days we had, fun & laughter together.

It just makes my day up:)

And telling me, yes I know I still have you guys:)

Especially you, silly:D

2010-01-08T08:11:00.000-08:00

Went out with ben, baby & my beloved precious raj:)

Played arcade with ben & baby, awesome! I know the driving game:D

And I won lah:) Except for one, i was like so near please. It's like I'm leading lah:(

After which, raj came then went to tiong bahru park.

Was playing in the rain & thanks to it, I'm sick now:(

But I thanks god, cause I saw cute little kids there.

That're so adorable & they let me understand life in another way.

Everyone have its own troubles, bad memories, impacts in their life & so.

Yet this little kids may be young at least, they face it much more better than me.

I felt so lousy about myself, losing to a kid.

I'm worst than them I guess, at least they dare to face their emotions.

Yet I'm just avoiding, running away from every emotions & problems I'm facing each day.

How pathetic can this be.

So yes, went to redhill market to have my lunch + dinner:)

Yummy! I love banmian:DD

Sent raj to bustop & walked back with ben.

yep, home sweet home.

Anw, did I tell you mummy keep asking me to eat medicine:(

But I escaped from it:):) Smart!

& guess what, I realised my money is slowly leaving me:(

Cause I've been spending it like "openign the tap water"

I've gonna save it, & YESYES! perhaps, I've got a star cruise trip.

Cross finger please:D:D

I want to go oversea, mummy just promised me.

It all depends on 11jan, monday:)

PLEASE, I HOPE IT''LL BE A GOOD DAY FOR ME:)

With loves!

2010-01-07T10:05:00.000-08:00

ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER,

SILLY.

2010-01-07T09:38:00.000-08:00

Happiness's so near yet so far.

I guess I've disappointed many people around me,
Perhaps I'm making everyone distant from me.

Seriously I've no idea what I've been thinking and doing lately.
Sorry people, I swear this isnt what I want. I dont want any heartbroken & disappointment in you guys:(

Chris just scolded me, I swear this's the first time he talks to me this way.
And I know all this's for my own good, perhaps.
It just give me a extreme knock into my head, I have not been behaving like myself for I've no idea.
Those happier I just was destroyed in just 1 second, yet happiness have to be constantly built up.
It takes months or even years to slowly entrust yourself and feel the happiness.

And precious , sorry! I'm freaking sorry I swear I dint mean to.
I'm sorry to disappoint you:( You know me right, I'm seriously out of mind today.
I know I know, just give me alittle time, perhaps, I would be fine:)
AND I know, you'll always be by my side like how I did:)

I know I've to make a decision, yet I just couldnt.
Lots of things are making me more and more confused.
I know myself the best, I wants to hold on but I couldnt.
So the only way left is to push this happiness away,

It's so near yet so far, I just dont know what I want after walking and walking.
It still cant get through, FUCK!

2010-01-07T06:31:00.000-08:00

I guess I'll be locking up my blog soon:)

Bye people, I'll be MIA for alittle while.

2010-01-07T06:10:00.000-08:00

There're many things I've been regretting lately in my life, perhaps there're more to add on.

I've been asking myself for the rest of today,
What am I holding onto now, is it me or nothing.
I seriously hope I can know nothing, perhaps it's true.

When things are gone, you tend to regret what you've done.
But I know adding another regret to my life.
Yes, I know I'll be regretting as times goes by, HAHA!

It's just another small part of my life, it's time for me learnt to be independent.
Stop relying on people around me, I rely too much.
Where's the one that keep saying I'll be independent, Nowell.

Someone just knock some words into my mind today,
I'm still young, I know I can still fool around but as I get older, it's time to think about things.
But you know I'm tired of thinking and thinking,
I'm tired of crying and crying,
I'm tired of saying and saying,
I'm tired of expressing myself & emotions.
I'm just so sick and tired of everything now, that I hope I can just walk off.

Just the part where there's only me, myself and I.
But till now I dont know, there're so much I wanted to spilt out,
yet that word "trust" is seems to be nowhere.

Since when have I started locking up myself, protecting myself from the surrounding.
Sometimes, I just hope I can disappear for alittle while, no one can contact me & find me.

Sigh, I just dont know what I want, I just know that I always screw up things.
I just hope it's raining now, perhaps it can cover up for the things I've been doing lately.

I'm STARTING TO DISLIKE MYSELF, DAMN FUCK!

~~ihtgouhtfoginhts, emomries & utffs.~~
phapersilouhsdujsttleogofuoy.
Mybaetaht'satebteraywrofuoynadme.
yetiujstncatberanogidit.

2010-01-06T07:25:00.000-08:00

Maybe it'll still be a disppointing one.

Watched Alvin & The Chipmunks 2 today:D
Awesome, super cute! I feel like grabbing them:)
Must watch alright!:DDD loves!
Btw, I'm go gonna watch The hunter treasure. I forget the title:(
It's by jay chou, I'm gonna watch it:)

Before that went to eat thai express, yummy!
I love it, raj and ben have been crazy this few days:)
I guess sooner or later I'll be one too.

After which ate dinner @ JP then home sweet home:)
Chatted with raj on the train, I swear it's a heart to heart talk!
I love it man, went to 7-11 and buy sweets&drinks:):)
HAPPY!

I'll upload photos tomorrow or so:):)

Yeah, many things are running through now.
I'm afraid of falling and hurting. I swear, I dont want anyone to get hurt or so.
I dont know if I should remain like this, or pluke out my courage to step one step forward.
But I've this feeling, good things wont last. And I know myself the best.

Perhaps, I shouldnt even step 1/4 of it.
My mind's full with IDONTKNOW! & ???
Should I stay or leave, it's still unknown to me:(

2010-01-04T07:43:00.000-08:00

The flash-back & past is what that is holding me back.

I swear my mood today was down down down down down.
Fucker! I'm totally not in any mood alright, initally I just keep tearing and tearing.
Tons of flashback, makes me think, feels and at the same moment to erase it away.

What's wrong man, can anyone answer me.
It's just so hard for me to accept things now, or perhaps, I never try to accept before.
Every step takes me lots of courage, I've to pluck out my courage.
Cause I'm standing at the middle of the road, deciding what it's now.

I just feels like letting go of every single things I'm trying to hold on now.
It's tiring for me, hard for me.
Perhaps, things always goes wrong for me.

Fcuk, I seriously dont know myself. So many questions and doubts I'm having right now.
I feel like just hitting my head.

I dont feel like going anywhere, I just told jun I'm not going out tomorrow.
Cause I just feel like slacking at home the whole day!
BYE!

2010-01-03T10:21:00.000-08:00

It takes time to understand and know human's heart.

I'm lazy to type out what happened this few days.
Just slack, play, eat, and sleep.

Anw, I cut my hair today. I wanted to change another hairstyle but then I dint.
So yeah, went to JBP with shaun, ben and raj. Then raj lost his wallet.
I hope that person that took it with him/her would return, I believe in karma:D
So yes after which went to eat then walked around.

Then brought cake home, chatted with raj on the train:D
Indeed, I'm hard to understand, cause I never wanted someone to understand.
Humans are hard to be trusted, I dont know. Perhaps.

Many thoughts are running through my mind, I dont know.
Seriously I have no idea what I want now and stuff.
Even now, I myself starts doubt about myself.
Indeed impacts and falls make people learn in a hard way.

For it, it may takes times, days; weeks;months;years ad so.
The scars will always remain but the wound will recover somedays.
But when you saw this scars, all this will just remind you of things that you hope you can forget.
No one's perfect, everyone have their flaws.

But yet, everyone hopes that they can be perfect.
I dont know, it takes time to know humans.
Cause there're always changes.

I shall go sleep now,

LASTLY,

HAPPY 33TH BIRTHDAY YAMI,

I thanks god for sending you to me, cause without you, my life's seriously nothing.

You added colour to my life and I love you, cause I seriously treats you as my family member.

And I gonna tell you, even if many things had happened, you still have me, us.<3

2010-01-01T21:24:00.000-08:00

It's a I dont know question.

I gonna make it short,
I'm not going to work anymore starting from today:D
I feel sad without my awesome JWT but in the same time I feels happy.
Cause of the screw up management, BYE

2009-12-29T08:29:00.000-08:00

The answer lies on you.

Cause I've the best present in my life now's you've you in my life.
I thanks god for giving me a bunch of friends around me that love me so much.
I cherish every moment with you guys,

Ohman! I'm freaking emotional now.
2 more days and 2010's coming. Will it be a good year, I hope so.
Please, I seriously praying that it would be.
Anw, I'm going to watch hi sweetheart now. I miss my drama like super much can.
Tomorrow shift C, thanks!

And I dont get the reason for it when everything's too late.
It's not what I want it to be, it's what you want it to be like.
Cause once gone, it'll never be back again.

2009-12-28T08:17:00.000-08:00

Cause dont understand what I'm feeling this minute of time, mixed feeling but yet it looks like I know what I'm feeling. Also, it's like I know nothing about this feeling cause I dont understand any.

Does anyone really understand what the hell I'm saying right now.
It's like some kind of alien language man.
I'm freaking confused alright, not only with myself but also you. DAMN!

Pardon me people, my head's burst with tons of stuff. Damn it.
Lots of things have been running through my mind, what've you been doing, Nowell tan!
Is that seriously you, ohman! What's wrong with you.

Many things are happening so fast that I couldnt take a good look at it.
It's all too sudden, perhaps I still need time to look through.
Or was it because I know but yet I dont want to spilt out.
Damn, I hate this kind of know and dont know feeling.

Perhaps, I understand what I'm feeling now.
Perhaps, I dont understand what I'm thinking now.
Perhaps, I just let things went too far.
Perhaps, You were now in my heart just that I dont know about it.
There're many perhaps, yet I know none!

I dont understand what I'm typing now.
I guess only god knows it, the one that created me.
Now, it maybe a good time to take a good look at everything, before I eventually screw things up again.
I just hope I wont ever screw up things again.

hapserp, I ehav elefings ofruoy.

tjsuhtatIndotkownhwotofeacitdnaepxressitout.

TathyhwI'meeflingsoerfakingnocfused.

2009-12-27T09:26:00.000-08:00

It just shock me the very moment when it all started, yet I dont know why, I'm smiling and in the same time feeling confusing.

Today, I'll always remember it:D
Nope, it's starting at christmas? I dont know what craps I'm typing now.
Bestie's currently at my house! YESYES! they're playing majong.
And I'm going to join them soon. I'm freaking tired can.
But nevermind it's okay, bestie see! I so sosososo nice,

Tomorrow gonna be in full shift thanks god!
BYE, mummy's calling me. LOVE YOU PEOPLE.

2009-12-26T10:39:00.000-08:00

I dont know, this love game's getting me mad yet I'm still smiling. Nuts!

It's going 3am soon, I just online. Feeling super sucky now.
I wonder why people tend to change so fast, I hate it.
That kind of feeling, it's like so pissed off yet, you're not pissed off.
It's confusing, bewildering.

I dont understand whatever I'm doing now.
Did I or did I not? I guess I did, just that I'm still acting like I dint know anything.
Did I avoid and run away all this while, this game's getting out of control.
It's either I stop it or I let it continue, but it seems that it's getting me tons of problems.
Freak! I dont understand what I'm typing now. I just hope everything stop for awhile.
Or dont ever stop, let it continue till I want it to change.

FUCK, I dont know what am I typing now. I swear!
I just freaking confused. you know.
But I know I'm smiling @ this moment of time.
And perhaps, I'm locking up my blog soon.
Bye!

Do you understand all this's driving me crazy cause I dont want you to get hurt.

2009-12-25T19:43:00.000-08:00

It's kind of confusing when I understand what I want now but I'm smiling:D

Slept at 1am yesterday, work was super slacking yesterday:D
Many things happened too, ladyboss came to check on staff.
And also check on nest 1 and stuff, it's rather stressful to face it when I came to think about it.
I guess I did screw up this nest, yesterday wasnt a good christmas for me.

Except for some part, from the bottom of my heart I'm smiling.
Raj was rather crazy and high yesterday, I seriously have no idea why's he behaving this way. HAHA!
So yes, after work went to eat my meal for the dinner+supper. HAHA!
Then home sweet home:D

Yes, bestie I miss you freaking lots okay! Where're you, I want to meet you man.
And also my honey and people! I'm very sorry cause I was busy with work, but I'll be more free as days goes by:D
Anyway, I received tons of poly stuff. And sister have been saying about it. HAHA!

So yeah, 2009's coming to an end, it's kind of sad.
Many things happened in this year, let me grow more or perhaps, learn more and fall more.
I dont know what's going to be happen in 2010, But I wish it'll be a good year for me:D
2009, I'll remember you. Cause it was also my last year in secondary school life.
Damn, I miss my hardcore group:(
Bye all:):):):):):):):)

2009-12-24T09:19:00.000-08:00

santa's coming to town:D HOHOHO!

Alright, work for today was still quite alright.

Except some little nagging and stuff, yes! I love Nest 1 tables ah!

Okay so, went to JP after work, slacked there and walked around.

I must say guys that drank are scary, I'll never ever change this mindset.

This's the fourth time or third time, creepy. HAH!

So took train home with Yuankai and others, they were super funny. And, i dont know how to say. Anw, full shift for tomorrow:) YAY! hill top:D

I dont know why am I so hyper now, and stupid me, I just realised my sister wasnt at home.

And I've been calling her name out for like half an hour. HAHA!

So yesyes, I forgotten to wish everyone, a happy merry x-mas:D

And yes I thanks god that I found you guys, always there for me!

Rocks to the max:D

2009-12-23T08:42:00.000-08:00

Cause I've such a wonderful friend like you, that I want to hold onto you forever.

Alright I'm galdful that I've so many wonderful friends around me:)

I love you guys, you're awesome! My hardcore group man!

And thanks raj and my dinos! You guys rocks!

AND thanks people!

Seriously, thanks for the concern about my grandpa, I almost wanted to cry when people ask me whether if he's getting better and stuff. Really, ohman!

So yes, Christmas's eve is tomorrow and I'm like working:)

And I haven brought any x-mas present yet, anw, I'm off on sat.

Outing with dinos:D

Okay I dont know what craps I'm talking about man.

Anw, tomorrow will be a better day for everyone. I seriously hope it would be better.

Somehow people around me are getting more upset and stuff, I dont wish to.

I want them to smile:D yes, especially someone that owe me 1hour of smile:)

NIGHTS!

2009-12-22T10:25:00.000-08:00

It's all about me and you, I want you and no one else. Understand,

X-mas's party:)

LIGHTING:)

I'm super in love with this x-mas tree:D

It's super ultra chio, I mean pretty:)

Love it to max:)

MY RED HOT X-MAS TREE:):):):):):)::)

It's going to be 3am soon and I'm still not asleep yet.

But I'm freaking tired,oh yes, as I was browsing through the net, I saw tons of photos about x-mas.

I can only say this year x-mas will be a waste for me, bestie sorry! I'll be working:(

But it's okay cause remember I have my 1.5times:D

So yes, I'm still thinking whether I should go for the class bbq, I'm working full shift.

Still deciding but I want to see my girls and others:( I miss them, my hardcore group:)

So yesyes, I still have not make up my mind, I'm waiting for raj's answer:)

And I get my paid today! AWESOME, but JWT was closed:(

I felt super ultra sad, cause no more fatin and ishak = no fun.

I swear I miss point your fingers and stuff, now it's the tribual dance that rule nest one? LOL!

Sigh, lets not talk about it anyway. I'm still planning how am I going to spend my salary.

I'm eyeing on the sony ericsson satio, the red was super HOT! It's really attracting me.

And yes, LH 's getting me a christmas present:) I want more please:)

HAHA! ops:x yeah, I have to get christmas present, I think my paid will be gone, thanks ah!

So I was nagged by B, just because I was having a terrible headache.

He kept saying : why dont want to sleep?

Me: Dont feel like

B: Go sleep, I say NOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOW!

ME: okay, I try.

B: You know I felt like giving you a punch, always so stubborn.

Me: Thanks ah, I know I'm one:)

B: damn it, I really want to knock your head.

Me: okay, now come to my house. But too bad you cant:)

B: NOWELL TAN, can you stop it, faster go sleep. If not I make sure the next time I see you, you gonna get it.

There's still alot, but I forgotten some parts:) I just know B's a naggy old man!:x

I'm gonna get killed but it's okay, I know he like being an old man. Especially nagging at me:)

So yes, I shall rest now. Going to find Raj they all tomorrow.

Nights! LOVES!

Ps , I know apologise cant help to cure your insecure but I'm gonna tell you, sorry. I'm leaving.

2009-12-22T08:58:00.000-08:00

It took me days to know you, weeks to get along together, months to have fun and years to forget you.

Alright this 2 days sucks to the max, i swear!
Yesterday was about work and stuff, that I dont wish to mention anything.
But I must say, dinos are the best pals I've:D

So yes, I was super ultra duper down for today.
I was hiding my emotions but eventually it dint success at all.
I was freaking pissed off with myself and myself.
I felt so hopeless and useless, like a nothing.
Sometimes, it isnt how people look at you, but how you look at yourself.
I swear I dint want to bring in my emotions, I always keep it well but I dont know why it always went in a mess when I entered dinos.
Some curse? AHA! okay not funny at all.
So yes, in the end thanks to my precious raj and others.

I started smiling, I seriously have no idea why am I like this.
My mind seems to be wondering about tons of stuff, but none I understood.
So yes, sorry all. I dint mean to, I was just trying to ignore myself.
DAMN, I dont understand any at all.

After that, I took the train then raj talked to me.
I dont know, or perhaps I dont wish to know any, I'm just hiding that the fact that I know and I understood? Did I or did I not.

You know my brain cells are dying one by one, I guess once school started I'll left nothing in my mind. thanks ah!
FREAK! I dont understand, I keep telling B how afraid I'm but I dint know the reason why.
I just think that I'm a freaking bitch, just a bitch.

2009-12-20T09:22:00.000-08:00

wondering around.

I dont know what's happening to me alright.
And you know what I just realised something, JAY CHOU IS GONE:(

He was here on 19dec, freak! I forgotten about it:(
So damn sad, and seriously i dont know what I'm thinking again.
I saw the msgs, those photos. Then I realised many things.
Yes, memories just flashed back in one second.
How scary can all this be, dint I remind myself everything's gonna be fine.

But why did I even get down so easily,
I'm seriously tired of what my mind's thinking, I cant seem to get hold of it well.
It's always wondering around and now, I've a big question mark on my head.
Shit, I dont understand why. And I dont even know why.
Did I forgotten those little pain and hurtful ones that have built up on me,
If not why is that so, fuck! I dont understand myself.

But I know, I wont fall. I'm remain as it's even if I cant.
Cause that is the best way to get over things:)

2009-12-20T07:35:00.000-08:00

Cause even as times passby, we'll never forget one another. But remember each other.

Ohman! I finally have an off day today:)
Went to eat lunch with uncle and sister & her bf, awesome food!
I'm like in great hunger man, Iloveit!

So yesyes, I'm getting fatter ah. Shit keep eating and eating:(
Anw, went to find baby N after that @ JPB, haha!
So chatted awhile then went off tgt to somerset:)
Met clique @ orchard central, went to level 8 there to have our dinner.
I'm freaking full alright, and we were like mad girls, haha!
Tons of fun after so long, Ilovethem!
So yesyes, after which, we were like having a "cheena" tour. HAHA!
Like we never been to town like this, keep taking photos and playing around.
Oh and model wanna be:)
HAHA! hweez and hermes was funny!

Then after which home sweet home, and look! whose birthday's coming.
Ahem, I forgotten haha! ops:x
So yes, would be going for class bbq @ lewis's house on 24dec, after my shift:)
Then we will count down together I guess?
Ohman, I'm excited with many things:)

So yesyesyes, girlfriends we'll meet up soon alright.
Damn soon, Imiss you guys like hell lah. I miss secondary school life now.
I regretted:( I always wanted to leave Queensway but now, Imiss Queensway like mad cann.
I miss all my teachers, principal, staff @ there, security guards, nagging by teachers and friends, fun with teachers and friends, chalet, party, outing. What else, and those stressful and irritating homework:D

Ohman, I'm sososo sad:(
I love all! Yes I love all. AS WELL AS FOR HOLLYWOOD DINOS!
I LOVE THEM MADLY, ESPECIALLY MY JWT PEOPLE:)
You guys're awesome that I dont want to lost any:)

2009-12-19T08:33:00.000-08:00

Alright today's a bad day for me,
So much things is happening alright! Later it's like cutting down manpower so I've to be bad guy.
I hate it, so intially I told collin I dont want t be, ahah!

Well, not only that today's just freaking pissing me off and making me super stressful alright.
But well it's okay, my hardwork will pay off soon, which is tomorrow off day:)
So looking forward to meet my girlfriends tomorrow! IMISSALLOFTHEM!

Anw, I dont know what's on my mind now.
It's like I always screw up things, I hate it when my mind wonder around.
I hate the feeling that I'm having, the thoughts I'm having, the words I've searching, the sentence that I'm hoping. OHMAN! What's wrong with me.

I hate it you know, why always become like this.
I dont know, I feel like killing myself:(

2009-12-17T08:06:00.000-08:00

FAILURE.

Sorry people, No happy post today.
Work was pretty fun like seriously, I've been slacking.
I hope tomorrow it'll be raining.

And slacked @ JP's mac. HAHA!
Headed home and things went crazy for me seriously, cause grandpa was not around.
He was admitted to hospital, and mummy was super upset keep crying and stuff.
I felt super sad, cause firstly, I dint did what a grandchildren should do.
Secondly, I cant even cheer my own mummy up, I only can see her blaming herself.

I felt super useless and hopeless.
Cause I cant even do something to let people smile, WTF're you nowell tan doing.
Freaking hell, you're just a failure.

I just dont know what I'm feeling now, thinking now and stuff.
I just hoped everything will be fine for everyone.
Is that so hard, am I asking for more.
Why always it's like this, those things keep happening and happening.
I dont know when I'm fall apart, I dont understand why either.

I really dont understand myself anymore, and I guess no one will.
Cause I'm freaking confused with everything, why's this so.
FUCK!

2009-12-16T07:46:00.000-08:00

Cause I can only say byebye.

I'm super ultra tired alright.
Work = fun, home then lappy and sleep.
Ohman, my life's getting more bored.

But it's okay, I love my job but not those irritating things I've got.
So yeah, I LOVE MY PEOPLE! AWESOME:)

Anw, my off tomorrow's gone, sunday I'm off:)
So yes bye people!
Oh my job have a jay zhou, ohman!
Saying that he's coming to SG, I WANT TO SEE LAH. DAMN IT

2009-12-13T07:12:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I do hope once I fall, I'll never get up. At least I feel the pain and it'll remain there.

I dont know why either my mood was super ultra down.
I'm feeling terrible, I hate that feeling.

Work was alright, except I injured my leg. It's freaking pain.
Seriously, I've no idea how long I'm gonna tolerate it.
Tomorrow working @ 2pm but collin asked me to work @ 11am tomorrow.
Goodluck man:( Thurs, my off day's gone. Left sunday:)

So yes, I'm super pissed off with myself which I have no idea why.
I just hope if all this is what I'm feeling right now, can you take it away.
Cause I dont want it, not now and not in the future or so.

So yes, wtf. I dont even know what I'm typing right now.
Just ignore me, if can I just hope everyone ignore, dont care about me.
I'm just a junk.
Fcuk, I dont know why I'm so down.

2009-12-12T08:43:00.000-08:00

Cause the moment just disappear in a few seconds.

I lost my freaking wallet in the bus.
SMART ME:(

I was so dumb, I should have remembered to check but I dint:(
So I'm praying hard now that it'll appear tomorrow morning:)
I want my IC:(:(:(:(

Anw, thanks ray, bala they ran out to chase after me and helped me:)
Seriously I'm gald you have you guys around, and also kelvin and shawn:)
Really it's awesome, and thanks for the tissue:)

And people around who comfort me or console me.
LOVE YOU GUYS:DDDD

So yes full shift today and I'm dying already.
I'm already sick and I'll become more sick I guess.
Hmm, tomorrow full shift again. JY man:)

2009-12-10T07:32:00.000-08:00

my tears rolled down,

I super pissed with myself,
I just feel like crying out loudly, you know.
I'm super moodless.

Training today was quite fun:D
But I keep kana bitten by mosqitoes:(
Then after which got little guest come in, so yes, performed.

Yup, Iwas just upset. I dont want to type anymore.

2009-12-09T05:44:00.000-08:00

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO HERMES & FELICIA.

May all your wishes come true:D love you guys.

And thanks for being there for me all this while.

2009-12-09T05:24:00.000-08:00

I dont know, every minute just let me recall everything that I dont want to recall.

Okay yesterday was alright.
Have JWT training, dancing like kids.
No I should say we must be mentally 3-4 yrs old.

So it was fun alright:D
Today was alright too, I think we have tons of fun.
Especially for the promoting, jack keep playing and disturbing us.

Oh well, last day of promoting kind of sad ah,
Cause awesome people left one by one, :(
But well, there'll always be a chance for us to meet each other.

Anw, tomorrow will be at 5pm.
But I'M DOWN WITH FLU, FREAK:(
Gonna celebrate hermes and fel's bday. But grandma is going oversea:(
Gonna send her off then meet them:D
Okay bye people! I go watch my hi sweetheart:D

AND I M TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH MY JOB:D

2009-12-07T07:39:00.000-08:00

ILOVEDINOS!

Okay, I've funfunfun today @ NHC with TJ and Raj!
We were promoting and having fun, laughing like mad.
So after which went to bugis to get bag!
YAY! I've new bag so cool!

So then went to find hermes, then after which went to aunt's area.
Helped out, and there's one bloody guy.
Lying on the floor scaring people. The cups of tea I'm holding spilt out-.-
Yes thanks to him ah, then he keep looking @ me.
Scary alright, I keep telling aunt.

Anw, working @ 10am tomorrow @ NHC.
But gonna reach there early, dead! I'm super tired now.
I slept @ 6am yesterday, tomorrow still have to help out aunt.
Bye people! LOVES!

2009-12-06T11:13:00.001-08:00

The love of magic's to smile to everyone, to bring happiness.

Ohmydamngod! I just post a whole page of post end up all gone.
Sorry for not updating for like so long, cause I dint have the lappy with me.
So yes, sister's back! with my present:D

Yes, I've fun all this few days, funfunfun!:D
With all those dinos staff, I've fun with them.
They're all so nice, even though, this job's super tiring but I've fun with them.

Saturday went out with Baby N and Lewis.
Wanted to watch movie but movie no more le, so end up pool.
Yeah, I super lousy! Cause I very lousy! HAHA!
photos uploaded by the two of them.

Yup, Anw, Chatted with smallboy! OPS:X
I think I gonna get killed! So after that chatted with BFF!
Yes, I love them!

Okay, I dont know what to type anymore.
Working @ heart disease centre around 10 plus.
Ohmygod! bye people!
LOVES! NIGHTS

2009-12-01T05:44:00.001-08:00

PISSED!

2009-11-30T08:12:00.000-08:00

I'll if I could, if not just let me be like this.

Baby N just show me something disguesting.
Ohman, it's really super retarded!
Even if you like the idol, dont have to do that right.
Luckily, my JayChou dint received this kind of letter.HAHA!

Those know me, you know I'm super crazy about jaychou.
He's so hot, talented, filial to his mummy, he've tons of good characters,
Except like one bad one which's I dont know lah.
He's perfect in my eyes, I dont care ah!

B keep mentioning he's more handsome than jay.
I almost puke ah, :x
So yes, I'm gonna show you the link ah,
http://www.allkpop.com/index.php/full_story/2pm_taecyeon_scarlet_letter/

AND I'm chatting with many now,
My msn flooded with like 10conversation=.=
And thanks Hongliang, meet up soon ah! Remember must msg me when you're there for the dinos:D

I feel like tearing when everyone's telling me to hold on.
Dont give up, those little encouragements and advice make me tried to hold on.
But I guess I disappoint you guys, cause I no longer have the strength to stay there longer anymore.
Every single things make me tired, make me sick, make me tear.
I hate it, I detest it, I dislike it.
But I know I cant do anything, what's happening like seriously.
I switch off my handphone just now, tons of calls and msgs.
I dint want to care about it, I just want to disappear for a little while.
Cause I realised the cruel side of it, I dont want.

I dont know what I'm typing, wtf wtf.
I hate myself for being like this, this isnt me.
All this while, I'm just running, hiding and avoiding.
Till now, I just hope to keep my mind busy. Doing lots of stuff.
Cause I just hope that the next post will be more happy,
at least, I dont have to worry that people around me will get affected.
Or perhaps, they wont. I'm just thinking too much.

And it's time to let go right, 2009 is a beautiful year.
I learnt alot, fell alot, cried alot, think alot. It's a bad year for me indeed but also,
a beautiful one, cause on the way I learnt.
I dont know lah, blame B for that always say something to knock me.
Or push me to make me fall, but I know, he's trying to make me feel better. Nights!

2009-11-30T07:21:00.000-08:00

Till now I realised, I've let go all and gave up on myself.

Hello people, I'll be working tomorrow @ 9am.
Wa lao, Super early, have to go till TPY's office for briefing.
And then, go for work to promote this event. YAY!

So yes, I went for today's training.
Thanks bala ah, He was late-.-
Then took train to boonlay and took cab in LOL!
Met Baby N, then after that proceed around to know the whole environment.
And yesyes! Come visit me for the exhibition @ Jurong Bird Park there:D
Hollywood Dinos:DDD
This's the website for more information:D
http://hollywooddinos.com/media-press-release-hollywood-dinos-coming-to-jurong-bird-park-this-december.html

So yes, I think the exhibition's quite aswesome for some part,
Do come and support me alright:D
So after training went to jurong point to eat my breakfast+lunch+dinner, LOL!
Then took bus 198 with bala, super ultra long alright.
And have to change bus LOL! I'm super kind I accompany bala leh:D

My eyes're closing but yet, my mind still wondering around.
Damn it, tomorrow've to wake up real early.
So yesyes, Nights people!
I promise after watching one drama I'll go and sleep;D

2009-11-29T09:30:00.000-08:00

Cause everything just changed so fast, I cant get use to it. I dont want to change now, cause I'm still waiting for the right one.

Alright I'm blogging @ this timing,
So happy day today:D I was super happy!

I went to marina square today with aunt & younger sisters.
Went to see winxclub, cause younger sisters like it alot.
So yes, I saw those pretty fairies ah. And then, B came to meet me:D

Oh so, went to eat streamboat all this, :D
AndAndAnd, Ice-cream! Super happy! Ice-cream makes my day.
Then you know what, Stupid B took out something.
I shouted super loudly ah, all thanks to him.
Super ps leh, so yesyes!

I've my super ultra love now:D
My wallpaper ah, and B keep saying he's more handsome than that lah.
-.-" anw, I'll upload photo tomorrow or what.

And bala~ where're you, WHY SUDDENLY MIA FASTER CONTACT US:DDD
WORRY AH!
Okay, I shall go now, I think my paid will be spend on christmas present:(
Wa lao, so kelian HAHA!

ANW, sorry to those that I dint reply msg this few days, hope you understand.
I know some space now.

B, sorry!

2009-11-27T22:46:00.000-08:00

If I were to go, dont stop me. Cause all this's driving me crazy

I just simply cant close my eyes yesterday night.
I dint have a good sleep @ all, just nightmare and nightmare.
Went out with hermes yesterday and matthew too.
Wanted to play pool but matthew couldnt LOL!

So slacked with his parents @ vivo city.
He has a wonderful parents, I must said.

And well done, I sprained my ankle for freaking no reason.
And end up with nothing but being blame.
I dont want to talk about it, cause really, it's super ridiculous.

I dint even do anything wrong then why am I being blamed for that.?
Just because you drank, then I've to forgive you. Freak!
I did tried to forgive and forget whatever you done in the past, but.
You take that for granted, you doesnt even fit to be treated nicely by me really.
Ask yourself, all this while what does this family mean to you?
What happened all this while, just because you drank that why, no matter what you do.
We have to close both our eyes and pretend like nothing happen, Sorry. I cant.

Icant forget whatever you did now, even if I shout out "daddy"
I can tell you, I'll never mean it. From the bottom of my heart.
Cause you doesnt fit one!

Sorry people, lets not talk about unhappiness stuff.
I dint want to mention it anymore, cause it just waste my time repeating the same whole event.
Those know will know it, and thanks lihao:D

Luckily, he was there to console me. Wanted to find bestie, B or BFF.
But end up, I dint. Dint want to trouble anyone cause I know you guys're busy with your stuff.
So yes, going out with Baby N and Hermes to gym later:D

Got to go real soon I guess,
AND I know I've to give an answer by then.

2009-11-26T20:51:00.000-08:00

There're many out there, but none caught my eyes. Cause I've only you in my eyes, just cant get rid of it<3

It's 12.52pm now, I dint get to bed.
I keep turning here and there, just cant get myself into bed.
Sorry BFF:x I lied by saying I'll sleep:(

Just many thoughts running through my mind.
Once I close my eyes're those images that I want to shake off.
I hate it, why is it always coming when everything's ending.
Just the feeling I've to face it alone, my fear, my afraid.
Yet I know I've to, I must move out of this.
Time to get on, but harder to do it.

I dont know, sometimes I do hope I can spilt out what I thought and I want to say.
But I know, my unhappiness will bring everyone down.
I just hope even if I'm down or suffering alone, those who're around me are smiling, cause it was you guys make me strong:D
I dont want to see you guys sad, I want give you guys a smile.
So I dont want to spilt out anything, I know once I spilt out more problems will occurs.
I dont want to be a bitch, I know what I'm doing.

If I were to spilt out, happiness will just be 0.
So yes, kaixinjiuhao:D So much worries and trouble, everyday think about it.
Your head will also become bigger, just live a day and think for that day:D
A smile unlock many doors,
I hope everyone smile. Even those I detest, I also hope you smile too. Cause your smile will bring others happiness and I hope you did:D

WOW! since when I become so nice, LOL!
HAHA! perhaps, this few weeks of thoughts and meeting new friends let me think alot.
Time to grow more mature, I dont want when I'm 20, I'm still freaking retarded or childish:D

Anw, B thanks. You know I'm sad and called me:D
Even if I dont say any, you know what I'm thinking about, upset about.
You might not know the whole but still, I want to thank you.
ANDAND! BFF, xiexie ni too!<3
I know I'm gonna get scolded if you see this:x

Yes,yes, I have very nice people and friends around me.
Without you guys, I wont be standing strong and being what I'm now.
You guys are my pillar, give me strength and let me rely on.
I gave you guys promise before, as long as you need me I'll really be there.
Just a phone call, you might not want to spilt out everything to me,
You might just want to be quiet but rest assure I'll be super noisy or super quiet just to make you smile:D
Cause I'm also your pillar, anytime if you want to rely on, I'll let you rely.
I wont let this pillar fall, cause I know many pillar around me.

ILOVEYOU! <3

Okay, I'm going to grandma house now.
LOVESSSS:DDD

Cause I'll hold you tight in my heart.
Cause I dont want to bring you down.
But I want to make you smile and be the special one:D

2009-11-26T08:46:00.000-08:00

Cause I dont know whether you mean alittle to me, or a important one still.

Thanks everyone for msging me to ask me whether I'm fine anot & console me.
Sorry I dint reply or pick up your calls. Apologise:(
So yeah, I was actually super down yesterday, super unhappy, super upset.
Wanted to find someone to chat, but I cancel that idea away.

Cause I know it's time to get up myself, stop relying on people.
I've been depending on others, time to grow more independent.
I know I can do it, perhaps, all this while I've been doing this.

Well, what's over is over, I dont want to bother about it now.
I'm happy @ this moment what:D

So went out to find uncle then headed to anchor point to find hermes and bala.
HAHAHA! funfunfun, I've lots of fun alright. Serving those customers, listening to bala and hermes's craps and nonsense. HAH!
And happy chatting with uncle, anw, bala dint even know how to lock the push-cart-.-
Luckily, we checked:D Idiot bala! HAHAHA! ops:X
WELL, I'm working like super soon:D
Come visit me alright, will be @ town then after whichwill be @ JBP.
Cause training slots are full so yes, gonna get to town to promote the event:D

Anw, I'm gonna meet B on saturday. But I guess I'll be working:(
Sorry B, I know you will excuse me right:D
You're the best:x, Ops, I'm saying a lie right now:(

Shall go off.
I'm too busy to type it, I mean too lazy.
Gonna go grandma house for celebration tomorrow.
Might be meeting hermes:DDD LOVES, BYE!

2009-11-25T10:08:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling super down now.
I dont know what am I thinking or doing now,
I hate myself for being so fuck up,
What's wrong, but yet now I find no one to turn to.
It just hurt so much with no tears, because I change even I myself dint realised that.
Arugh, crap. Ignore me, bye!

2009-11-25T08:49:00.001-08:00

We're fated to meet one another but are not mend to be together.

I thought I could handle this emotion well.
I thought I could do it as easy as ABC.
I thought everything was so different now.
I thought, I thought. But not one's as easy as how I thought.
Harder to amend, harder to let go, harder to continue, harder to move on, harder to strive hard, harder to think of, harder to get rid of it, harder for everything now.

Went job interview with bala, Super funny!
He dint know the way have to bring him but walked one big round cause I also dont know the way.
So bala saw the block and say he found it, super lame ah.

So interview and blahblahblah,
Friendly person that interview us, LOL!
And many came for interview too. Headed to find hermes after that.
Had so much fun and keep disturbing one another.
Oh, there's a guy called matthew also. Super funny and quite nice.
I dint know he was from my school, my junior lol

So headed home with bala,
Chatted and stuff, have many heart-to-heart talk:D
So yes, might be out tomorrow. I'm chatting with matthew on msn now.
Byebyebye!

2009-11-24T09:34:00.000-08:00

Cause I cant change the fact, but I can change my dream, Because you're mine.

Alright I'm too bored so I on lappy to blog.
Went to marina square with mummy, walked around.
Then after which, headed to long john silver.

Mummy's super cute alright, she keep making me laugh.
She keep saying super funny joke, then still said someone want to throw stone @ me.
When I look back, a painting of a guy going to throw stone. LOL!
Then I say, "mummy, you think you cute ah"
Then she replied" of cause, you already praise me le:D"

Hhah! cute mummy:D, and guess what, she keep saying out excuse me excuse me.
Because she told me a story of her friends then she wanted to disturb the crew. HAHA!
I keep laughing like crazy girl, and initially the crew turned around and mummy smiled. LOL!

I have a super lame and funny mummy:D
then headed home, and met bestie.
Waited for her to eat her dinner then she went off to work.

Slacked the whole day, woo hoo! going interview tomorrow with bala:D
Wish me goodluck, haha! Oh btw, should I go another one, 9pm to 4am.
I dont know I'm still thinking, B asked me not to.

So yes, IloveB. He's awesome, I'm meeting him this week I guess.
If there's no changes, haha! ops, I'm gonna get killed by him.
And sorry those that I haven meet yet, I want to meet all.
But I guess I wont have the time, till you guys come down and meet me:D

Anw, just chatted finish on phone with B, keep bullying me, freak!
I make sure he get it when I see him.
And yes! B's just a nick.
Dont think too much, I know I'm gonna get question by people when they saw this.
So yes, NO! not lover but friend. Okay!
Cause I love ______. Secret:D
And BFF cheat my feeling ah, say will call end up never, idiot!
I shall go watch my drama if there's:D

LOVES:DDDDDD

2009-11-23T08:09:00.000-08:00

Idont know, I know, I dont know I know.

Alright, Went to town today with hermes.
Actally baby N's also coming with us but then dint, and baby N sorry.
You know what I know ah, HAHA!

So waited for hermes then went around and called the person in charge:D
Then baby N get her job, I guess. So went to interview, and I have the confident I'm in for the job:D
Cool, but I'm finding another one, most probably with Baby N:D
So yes, having class camp on 1dec, I miss everyone.
And guess what saw, mrs ang and mr ang @ ion.
Then saw zhenren and wencui, they couldnt recongize me, but I shouted their names. HAHA!
So yeah, love hermes lots, she accompany me till the end:D

But well, in return I waited for her for like 1hour.
HAHA! ops, I think she gonna kill me.
And I was super fine all day, but till just now Idont know what happened.
I keep sneezing all the way, my throat's super painful. WA LAO!

Anw, looking through fb then I saw the video which was played on graduation's day.
I miss QWSS all of a sudden, I always hope to get out of QWSS but when I'm no longer there,
I miss there so much and want to have fun like the past, with everyone making fun of one another.
Time flies so fast, I couldnt catch up at all. I can only rewind those awesome memories in my mind:D

Link: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?ref=profile&id=567880948#/video/video.php?v=195985537088&ref=mf

Shall go now, I dont feel like blogging:)
Or perhaps, I wont update so often anymore, I feel like locking up this blog.
Or just ignore it, butbutbut! I always get scolding, idiot!
BYEBYEBYEBYBYEBYE!

2009-11-22T10:48:00.000-08:00

I just realised I was a toy in your heart now.

I just watched finished hi my sweetheart.
Ohmygod! dalang's so nice:D
Awesome boyfriend, haha!

Freak I'm too engross with it, I'm watching other drama series now.
Just couldnt get myself to bed.

2009-11-22T07:37:00.000-08:00

Cause I know our heart still links together even we're apart<3

Just went out with shirley and Ong:D
Ate @ kimtian area, then chit-chat.
After that headed home, give mummy& daddy food.
Then headed out to meet them two, walked to blk 26.
Sat down then chit-chat again, Ong can dance ballet le. LOL!
Cause ong say she want to see me dance ballet after I drink LOL!

Well, today was freaking tiring.
Went to ABC market saw zaim. HAHA!
After which, walked back. And suddenly lots of memories flashed back.
How long have I lost touch with those friends staying at there.
I miss there so much, with the familiar playground, familiar roads, familiar fishball noodles, familiar icon shop, familiar childcare centre where I always played with weili or waited for her, familiar uncles and aunties and also my friends.

Time really flies super fast, Suddenly I felt that I'm getting old ah. LOL!
Cause I miss those little fun I have there, it's the place where I have grown up.
Happy, sad, angry, disappointed, everything there. But now, it change alot.
But I believe, one thing'll never change that's our friendship will always remain the same.
We might not meet often or not even once for now, but I believe those little memories will bring us together as one:D

Okay, I dont know what to post anymore,
Bye. <3>

2009-11-22T02:01:00.000-08:00

I'm freaking tired right now,
I dont want to post anymore:D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JANELLE TAN, MY BELOVED & GODMOTHER:D

May all your wishes come true! love you guys!

2009-11-20T09:03:00.000-08:00

Drink, drank, drunk.

I dint know I'm such a failure,
I dint know I'm nothing in your eyes,
I dint know all this while you were lying,
I dint know why am I tearing now,
I dint know your heart has already gone till the minute I realised when I wanted to hold on.

I'm super tired, dint have enough rest then I thought.
I've been injuring myself this few days, FREAK!
Even sprained my ankle, how suay can all this be.
Dint drink much, cause I was too tired.

I dont know why, I'm feeling very down now.
I feel like crying but yet I've to hide those emotions.
I'm breaking down very soon, I dont know how long more can I get hold of all this.
I dont know what can I really smile and say "yes, I'm happy. From the bottom of my heart"
Where's the happy-go-lucky girl in the past, I really miss my past alot.
When I really smile and acting out to anyone.
Cause now I can only smile, to hide and avoid everything.
It may not be the best solution but at least a better ones for now,
I know I disappoint you again, sorry.

I guess I just dont know what I want now for the moment of time.
I want to have fun, I want to be serious, I want to be happy, I want to smile,
I want to cry, I want laugh out loudly, I want to hold on, I want to let go, I want to love,
I want to be loved, I want everything BUT I ALSO WANT NOTHING.

How pathetic is my life right now, cause I totally have no idea, no future of what I want now.
I'm tired, I'm freaking pissed off with myself, FUCK UP MY LIFE!

2009-11-19T10:32:00.000-08:00

BFF, I dont know how many BFF I've now. HAHA!
But well, It has different meaning ah.
Oh anw, after meeting baby then after work, I'm going to meet ______ for drink.

Yesyes, cause I online he asked me when are we meeting.
We haven meet like for freaking long, okay it was quite long 2 years.
Is that long enough, hAHHA!

Anw, wy cheer up alright, even though I dont know you well or long enough but still cheer up.
I seriously dont understand why, I'm sorry if you feel offended but well I'll just say out.
I dint pin point at anyone so please, dont assume.

I just saw many couples like quarrelled and stuff, even for wy.
I seriously dont understand, we must you controlled when you're in a relationship
Does that mean in a relationship everyone should be tied up, should have no freedom or rights to go out with whoever.
If you say your respect the person and trust the person, why's it so that you still want to controlled that person. I thought trust and respect means, you trust your partner wont do funny stuff and respect his freedom and rights.
If you doesnt why keep claiming you'll trust the person and respect him/her.
Together doesnt mean anything, this minute you can happily hold on to the person, but the next minute he/she will be gone.
Everyone have their rights to go out and stuff, an relationship shouldnt affect your partner's lifestyle or by making friends and stuff.
As long as they told you or inform you who're they with, and stuff it's alright.

If even this, you also cant give in and stuff then dont say you respect or trust your love ones.
Cause it's totally nonsense.

Cause trust and respect will never be like this,
ask yourself does your love ones really feels happy from the bottom of their hearts
Or they're just saying beautiful white lies to cover everything to make you feel better.
If being together's such a painful one, why be together.

And freaking jerk, you arent even fit to comment on my friend
Who would care, if you dint cherish and stuff in the first place, why're you commenting.
Just because you think you're god, doesnt mean you're.
It would be awesome if you can take a mirror and reflect on yourself.
If you dont have one tell me, I will buy you one.
You act as if you're not at fault, NB!
Doesnt mean we dont say or comment on you, you're right.
It's because it waste our saliva by talking to you, STOP YOUR FREAKING ACTION!
If you're unhappy, just tell us straight, dont have to told wy off. JERK!

Sorry people, I was seriously pissed off, I just heard that freaking new that pissed me off.
I feel like giving that ass a slap.
But well, I shouldnt dirty my blog, I told others not to dirty their blogs too.
So yes, I felt much better, even ____ told me that guy's a bastard!
Shame on him, I think I can do much better than that guy if I'm a guy!
BYE PEOPLE!
i'll delete this after those should see have seen it, I dont want to dirty my blog for those freaking ass I detest alot.

2009-11-19T09:21:00.000-08:00

You know, even there are many stars out there, but none caught my eyes only you

Finally Fb's working, after I tried so many times.
Oh well, I reached home not long ago, super tired. My legs' re aching:(
HAHA! might be going out with baby tomorrow then go work.
And I'm uploading all my photos in fb, I'll only upload a few here.
The rest will be @ fb, do take a look:D it's pretty awesome.

Suddenly I miss all of them, had so much fun then I thought last night.
I thought I would spent my money down to drain, but turn out to be awesome.
Speech by Principle and Shabeer.

Followed by performances by zhiyu, herrick and clique.
Then was the video of everyone, after that games.
Then dance by shanice, fed and others.
Then some screw up ones, which I dont feel like saying it.
Lastly, dance floor:DD

I guess it's about like this, I couldnt really remembered all.
So yes, the photos shall tell you how pretty well it was.

Hongliang, NICE FRIEND!

SiEn, cute:D

Girls Power, 511!

Sec 5, POWER!

Herrick:D

Mr leong:D

Dance floor

Okay, I'm a little sian now, cause whatever I uploaded just now in the blog.
Is either hang or its size's too big:(
I shall go upload finish my photos in fb.
NIGHTS!

2009-11-18T09:28:00.000-08:00

Till now, it's like never ending.

It's awesome I guess, better than what I thought.

I'm freaking tired now, sorry people I will blog with details tomorrow:D

Cause my legs are aching, I dislike wearing heels man!

Anw, I hugged Baby R and Selvyn. LOL! farewell:D

After prom headed to KBP(I dont know) with shuz,suanz,hermes,zul,hongliang,nicol,kenneth.C,kenneth.K, Zaim.

Oh yeah, zul's damn nice, he wanted to help me take my stuff because I took off my heels.

So yeah, he help me took my camera:D cause I told him's okay:D

Anw, Chatted with them:D

fun and laughter:D

But well, there's always another chance right:D

Then, took cab with kenneth.K, Kenneth.C, Hongliang And Nicol.

Super nice alright, they insist to send me to my house downstairs cause they're worry:D

See I've nice friends around me! THANKS ALOT!

Really glad to know you guys, AWESOME QUEENSWAY:D

LOVES:)

So yes, photo I'll upload tomorrow! Bye people!

WITH LOVES!

2009-11-17T08:41:00.000-08:00

I just woke up around 11plus.
Super tired alright, I guess I need super lots of beauty sleep ah.
I'm down with flu and cough how suay can that be, just before that-.-
Well, I dont know what to type anymore.

"Don't ever give up if you still want to try, don't ever wipe your tears if you still want to cry. Don't ever settle for an answer if you still want to know. Don't ever say you don't love him if you can't let him go."

Well said! BYE PEOPLE!

2009-11-16T06:48:00.000-08:00

I shall make it short, cause I'm tired.

-Meetup with gary for movie was cancelled because no one can accompany hermes.
-Meet Baby N and Mingxuan @ mac.
-Balah came and they went off.
-Then went home with balah and hermes to look @ my dress.
-Went back to tiong to meet terry.
-Headed to uncle's office and pass some stuff.
-Then, town with hermes.
-Baby N and balah came after that.
-Ispent like hell today, freak! I should have resist alittle:(
-Went to far east and had ban mian.
-Brought my heels.
-Headed home with balah:D
-Chatting with him now, bye people!

Ps, gary! sorry x billion time.
I'll repay you with lolipop! HOHO!

2009-11-15T09:14:00.000-08:00

I dont know, or perhaps I know.

Went interview today, HAHA!
Nothing much I only went for one:D the other ones will go tomorrow or what.
I dont know what I have the urge to work @ k-box and a few.
I'm getting 2 part-time jobs or 1 full-time and a part time. LOL!

See how, meet shirley and ongling after that.
Went to 18chef and had our dinner there, LOL! Erm, it's alittle freaking me out I guess. LOL!
So yeah, went to chat with shirley and ong outside,
Indeed a good chat, oh! Ong keep disturb me, IDIOT!
After that shirley came to my house, had poker card and majong session.
I keep winning for cards, and shirley keep losing, so she've to drink.
Till my cute little sister place the book on my area, I lost:(

Nevermind, I didnt drink much except majong:(
I think, but shirley much more poor thing. HAHA!
Anw, going out tomorrow maybe for job interview and meeting gary:D
Nights people! I shall go watch my drama, Burning flame3(:

2009-11-14T03:11:00.000-08:00

Tongue-tied

I'm going to interview tomorrow,

I guess it'll be visiting 3 places. Ohmygod!

Super tired and hungry now:(

Bye people, I dont know what to type anymore after I type so much and it's hang:(

2009-11-13T21:29:00.000-08:00

My love'll gets you home..

I'm awake, stupid kenneth said I'm a pig:(
It's not pig, it's because I'm freaking tired:(

Anw, I'm waiting for our beloved unqiue HERMES to reply my message.
I bet she's sleeping right now, damn god.
So I received 5 messages went I'm awake and 2 miss calls.
Joey, kenneth, xxx and others. HAHA!

Some's because I was too tired then I fell asleep and didnt reply them.
LOL! so well, I haven found my heels.
Yes can you imagine, ME! Wearing high heels, LOL!
I guess it'll be a joke, must train.

Okay, I'm crapping LOL! I'm going to watch my drama and wait for hermes to reply.
After that, perhaps go bp meet gary(:
BYE PEOPLE!

And CHEER UP EVERYONE; PIG, HONEY, WIFEY, GARY, BABY N, BF, AND BFF! ALSO OTHERS!
Yeah, even though you guys keep telling me you're happy and stuff, but I know deep inside you guys're upset and stuff. I may not help alot, but remember.
As long as you need me there, I'll be there for you.
Just a phone call away or a message away, Ah tan'll let you rely on.
Cause when I need someone there, you guys are always there.
Same for you guys, I'll be there:D
LOVE YOU!

2009-11-13T11:13:00.000-08:00

It's 3.18am now, I just watched finished Hi, my sweetheart.
It's awesome! Super funny and nice!
Show luo's hairstyle damn cool, HAHHA!
I cant wait to watch episode 3, he confessed lah.
Super nice, and MOMO LOVE episode 5.

Shit, I'm addicted to drama liao, CANNOT!:(
East of eden also another one I want to watch so many drama.
Anw, I'm going to bed now.
Bye people.

2009-11-13T08:39:00.000-08:00

Many people tend to walk in then out, they're just alittle part of your life but with great impact.

Hello people, I have lots of fun today with fel and hermes(:
Oh, have lots of chats and stuff.

Anw, gym tomorrow with hermes(:
Too much fats, must go excerise):
Then meeting gary(:

Anw, I thought alot this few days, thanks to many around me.
I'm really fine, time to look at the positive side, dont worry about me.
Remember what I promised(:

So yes, I miss lots of people really.
I have many plans in mind now, but dont know which one.
hmm, holidays are nice but I DONT KNOW HOW TO USE IT.
proper management's needed(:

Shall go now, i blog for the sick of blogging.
IMISSEVERYONE, ESPECIALLY ALL MY BABY(S)

2009-11-12T09:00:00.000-08:00

L's for the way you look at me, o's for the only ones I see, v's very very extraordinary, e's even more than anyone than you would love.......

I'm finally back from blogging,

I'm tired not intended to blog shall make it short.

-went to look for prom dress.

-walked till two legs also tired:(

-finally found it.

-prom's costing me a bomb, NB!

-I dont want high heels:(

-I want to buy my clothing, I want shopping.

-I'm going to spend it, cause those nice clothes:(

bye people! LOVES.

2009-11-11T09:33:00.000-08:00

It's still unclear to me,

I'm still wondering.

Why's this so.

2009-11-10T06:45:00.000-08:00

If I'm just like a replacement then leave it, leave me as someone that was important in your heart. Dont step it, please.

I'm back fromhelping out my aunt , I'm tired.
I saw an old man falling down after he's drank, I felt pity.
I help the old man put a plaster on his face, he cut himself:(

Why do people use drinking to solve their troubles,
And gets more trouble for themselves. The old man didnt have anyone to rely on,
He only have himself, suddenly I realised alot of things.

So yeah, I learnt many precious lesson there, from those uncle auntie, and my friends there.
I always meet new people there, that why I always treated there as my second home.

Anw, tomorrow's the last day for O'S, yesyes! It's party time(:
I haven done any of it, mcq's so super -.-
So yes, I'm still thinking what to do with my hair, short. curl. or.
And prom night, so many things yet to be done, and I guess it will cost me a boom. LOL!
So, I shall go now. xxx messaged me(:

Yesyes, I shall be like chenxinyi. JIAYOU N.TAN(:
Bye people, with love.

2009-11-08T22:14:00.000-08:00

MOMO LOVE<3

I was late for chinese lesson:(
Reached school around 9.30am,Mdam ku go through some important details and stuff.
Which's to memorize the notes LOL!

Anw, I just watched finish MOMOLOVE episode 4.
Awesome, I'm waiting for episode 5, cant wait!
I bet it will be much more interesting than the previous one.
So I'm waiting, mummy said today bringing me to doctor,after I dragged for 2days(:

Sky's getting darker and darker, going to rain soon.
Cool, cool cool!
Oh btw, hi my sweetheart's also quite nice.
Acted by rainie yang and luo zhixiang.

Anw, congratz to my jay zhou, he gotten the male singer award for 93.3fm.
I knew he'll get it for sure, cause too talented(:
Well, I shall go and memorize some of the notes, but I scare I'll fall asleep. LOL!

Bye people, dont play with the rain ah.
Later catch a cold:D

2009-11-08T07:01:00.000-08:00

Cause love guide you through your way.

I'm back after strolling around bugis.
Brought shorts and clothes, freak I spent money again.
Nevermind it's okay, I'll save again(:

So anw, I'm having chinese lesson tomorrow again, I guess kenneth koh'll come right.
I want to see mdam ku expression, will be super funny I guess.
Watching jennier's body( am I right?) with gary after my o's ended(:
Cause all his friends watched except him.

Chatted with honey today, love her alot! Will be meeting up with honey real soon.
I'm still thinking whether to go for the interview anot.
The manager called me, but I still dont know should I go.

Shall see again, if not k-box would be my next target,
HAHAHA! sososos, I'm growing fatter, I guess:(
Cause I've been eating at night. But I thought only one day a meal or 2 nia.
Super sad, but mummy keep saying I'm not fat.
Is I think too much. BUT STILL I THINK I'M FAT:,(

But the good thing's I grow taller by 1cm. I'm so proud.
Stupid, zy stop laughing, at least I grow:P

So yesyes BP keep saying I never reply him,
I take hours to reply him, IDIOT! AT LEAST I REPLIED:x

I guess once he saw it, I'm in dead meat:(
Bye people, and yesyes!
AH TAN CHEER UP! POOTER'LL BE FINE<3

oh, yesyes, do help to look for my ahtan's dog.
She lost it around bukit merah area in the morning, do click for my link shirley for her dog's photo(:
Good people'll have good karma, so helped and good karma will come and find you(:

2009-11-07T05:33:00.000-08:00

I believed.

I'm back from younger sister graduation's concert.

Reached there early so chatted awhile with sister then walked around.

So my awesome rachel's pretty((:

Of cause, cause she's tan family de(:

So anw, the kids performance are awesome, super cute alright.

I like the move it move it dance by my PAP, super cute.

Anw, I'll upload pictures tomorrow.

I saw my friends there too, haha! Cause their sisters are performing too.

I'm going out later, be it alone or with friends.

I'm still thinking about it, anw. I got lots of things I wanted to me.

Like;

Buffet with cliques,

Movie with clique and whoever(:

Meet-up with jeremy, Honey, kenneth, Bro, Best friend, willie, Gary, Pig& turtle and of cause my BBF((:

Outings with babys, SGCLUB, Audition.

Play audition.

Drinking session with babys, turtle& pig.

K-box session with cliques.

Dancing session, violin session, guitar session, piano session.

AND AND AND, WORK!

But I have no idea whether I can do it after my o's.

Except for some, anw. I want to watch all drama.

Okay, I shall go now. Lazy to blog again<3

2009-11-06T08:12:00.000-08:00

桃花小妹 Super awesome alright. I watched till I wanted to cry.
ShiLang's sister was super powerpack lah, she wanted to pk with the 4 brothers.
I want to watch episode 4, when ShiLang confessed to TaoHua((:

Super OHMYGOD! I'm addicted to it, I keep repeating the episode.
I know I'm a drama freak, haha! Once watched, I will watch non-stop.
If not how can be Nowell tan,:P

Pig's complaining that I didnt talk to him, HAHA!
Okay, I know I put areoplane but I was too concentrated to the show(:

I'm hungry right now, system's weird now then hungry.
Anyone's nice enough to dabao for me till BoonTiong, I'll love him alot. LOL:x
I mean I'll super thanks the person, or anyone want to eat breakfast(:

2009-11-06T06:12:00.000-08:00

Courage

Hello people, I just watched finish channel 8, 9pm drama.
COOLLLLLL! ADAM, ohmygod! I super attracted to him.
He's freaking hot, and his smile's sooooooo..

Okay fine, just pardon me for that little craziness:P
So had intensive chinese lesson today, was raining.
And guess what, I'm the first to reach school today, fel and baby N was saying they thought I confirm late:(
See, I'm the first ah. ANW, chinese lesson was fun I guess.
Mdam Ku was super funny and kenneth koh, taoyuan. LOL!
Opps, I shouldnt play with it, zip(:

So have lots of fun and of cause intensive paper work.
And I'm going to gym after O's I dont care, my baby(s) fel and N're going with me((:
So we have buffet, movie and whatelse. I cant wait at all.

I've lots of movie in mind and wanted to watch okay. Coolness, haha:P
Ahtan's coming back tomorrow night I guess.
I'm going out tomorrow for younger sister's concert, 6-10pm.
Freak, I guess I have to change a little of my plan how sad can that be.
But nevermind it's okay, all I have now's time(:

Shall go play fb and chat with pig! HAHAHA!

2009-11-05T07:17:00.000-08:00

High and low.

Ohmygod, today's show was awesome.
I love the 9pm show, cause got Adam = hot!
Ohmygod! my idol, the last time I saw him was like quite beginning of the year.

I want go see taohuaxiaomei the drama series, the newbie is coming to Singapore.
Who want go with me, I want see lei:(
So I just remembered tomorrow got chinese lesson.

I haven do the paper yet, shall do later on.
So, I was busying looking for stuff then I realised, that day gary gave me lolipops to cheer up.
I have like 4 with me, haha!

Yes, yesyes, lolipop makes me happy! Also green tea(:
HAHA! So if tomorrow I'm passing by bp, I'm going to tell gary.
Cause he's staying there, he asked me to ask him out if I'm at there. LOL!

I'm chatting on msn with flowerboy, LOL!
He super funny man, I miss k-box session with them.
Examinations faster over, then I can listen to HH's voice. LOL!

I going to play fb and listen to my super ultra idol, jay zhou!
LOVES!

2009-11-04T06:25:00.000-08:00

Density of love.

Hello people, I'm currently webcaming with jeremy.
HAHA! super shy can:P

So that idiot say I promised him to webcam with him so I webcam with him.
The cam is super blur, bad quality. HAHA!
He's going offline soon, I keep disturbing him. Sticking out my tongue.

Anw, I didnt study poa, sorry people.
I was super tired fall asleep till 8plus then look through the prelim papers and then fb now.
-.- I know I promised to study hard, butbutbut.

You know must relax awhile, haha!
Okay I'll study @ 10.45pm or 11pm. I need motivation now.

~~iwnatdoteeilvbeetahywmtarehisnllignteem,~~
inatywuotoodlhthigt, causeitdoknonwtwyhoauyasonwisuertorkefa.
ihsiwotlieevebtwahimngilefeonw, causeiowknouynotwhangceuotofdenusd.

2009-11-04T00:47:00.000-08:00

________________________________.

I dont know should I lock my blog now,
it seems that many -.- are looking at my blog and _______.

Others ask me not to, but I seriously have the urge.
As if I did something wrong like this, I hate that feeling.

Anw, I deleted my post. I didnt want to see ____________________________.
So, yeah. Examination's ending soon.
Geography's kind of erm, I dont know. But I'm seriously super examinator brain. LOL!
What I predicted came out for the o's, OHMYGOD!
So shuz, taimin and others was like asking me what'll come out tomorrow for poa.
LOL! I hope I know all, then confirm a1 liao. HAHA!

I dont want to post le, I going to watch drama series.
HAPPY. 2 down(:

2009-11-02T09:48:00.000-08:00

t01D!M!<3

It's going to 2am soon, shouldnt rest at all.

Has been slacking through all the day, quite sad ah:(

Anw, I'm hungry now I haven eaten yet.

My system's weird, I vomited out everything. Mummy say my health getting from bad to worst.

Cause I've gastric also, so after o's, she's bringing to doctor.

To check my lungs and so on, -.-

I dont want medicine leh, I like mc but I dont like that ewwww.

So, I'm looking through photos now.

Super ultra boring, baby N went to sleep.

Left me alone, wild thoughts running through again.

Dont bother to think about it.

I'm watching fated to be love again, somehow.

It's like part of my life drama, super-.-

Anw, I've no idea really.

What I want, who's true who's not I still have no idea.

I'm not greedy at all, but why I always deserve that little.

HAHA! hmm, shall go drink some milk(:

RED=HOT. I super addicited to this photo, super chio

2009-11-02T08:00:00.000-08:00

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO BABY R,

May all your wishes come true, enjoy ya.

And be more mature lah, so childish. :P

Thanks for those times you stood by my side, I appreciate it.

-------------------------------------------

Ohmygod, my best friend posted this. So touched(:

http://loyalover.blogspot.com/index.html#4936557234491460388

HAHA! happy, After O's I have many things to do.

I swear I gonna do it, even put down pride also must do.

Must be abit thick skin now, train abit now and later. LOL!

2009-11-02T07:53:00.000-08:00

画沙

午后的风摇晃枝桠抖落了盛夏

我对着蝉认真说话

在对你牵挂

晚风轻敲著海沙浪堆积起无暇

我跟纯真在比傻爱上你放不下

这风景如画（开满凤凰凤凰花）院子裡花洒（浇灌著那种情话）

等最美的晚霞等故事长大

用手中的流沙画一个你呀

曾说过的永远我们一定不会擦

我的青春开始在喧哗

因为大声说爱你而沙哑

用手中的流沙轻描着你的脸颊

也答应说好的未来绝不会重画

许过的承诺我就不会再去拿

因为我爱你呀

将思念压成花

有你的记忆乾燥成瓶中沙

像沙漏般想著你滴滴达达

擦美美的趾甲喝你泡的茶原来幸福可以这么优雅

不论多大风沙路多分岔我一样找到你呀

管他风怎么刮管雨就怎么下

越痛我就越来（越瀟洒）不摘不属於自（己的花）

喔爱闪著泪光為你我可以当傻瓜

这风景如画（开满凤凰凤凰花）院子裡花洒（浇灌著那种情话）

等我们的童话等誓言落下用手中的流沙画一个你呀

曾说过的永远我们一定不会擦

我的青春开始在喧哗因为大声说爱你而沙哑

用手中的流沙轻描着你的脸颊

也答应说好的未来绝不会重画

许过的承诺我就不会再去拿因为我爱你呀

用手中的流沙画一个你呀

曾说过的永远我们一定不会擦

我的青春开始在喧哗因为大声说爱你而沙哑

用手中的流沙轻描着你的脸颊

也答应说好的未来绝不会重画

许过的承诺我就不会再去拿因为我爱你呀

2009-11-02T07:19:00.000-08:00

Humans change, so do I, I'll show you that I'm mature for it. Change to someone with a better temper.(:

I'm currently on phone with my bpff.
HAH! He's cheering me up saying lame jokes, I just dont know why couldnt get to bed.
Baby N's sad, dont sad alright. Ah tan'll always be here for you.
As long as you need me, let me know, I'll be there. Lend you my shoulder to lie on.
To cry out loud and stuff, like how baby did for me.
Dont worry, rainy'll be gone soon I guess.

I'm watching videos on youtube, I'm looking through some stuff.
Ohmygod, I'm in love with this song. It's sang by a old singer lah, But that lyric's so awesome alright.
I dont intend to post it out, haha! I'm selfish, cause I'm fishy tan ma:P
Baby R birthday's arriving soon. 34mins more, See I got xin lor.
Dont always say I dont have.

2009-11-02T01:55:00.000-08:00

People I'm currently super down now,
Had social studies paper in the morning, And I screw up even though, what I predicted topic did came out but still, I didnt really finished up my SBQ. Super pissed:(

Then chemistry paper was alright, is easy I can say. I should be happy.
But that moment I know there's moderation, KNS! my mood went super down.
What's wrong now, why's there so many problems.

I felt like giving up everything now, Kind of upset.
But I dont know what's wrong with me, and when I know the truth again then I realised some stuff. Haha, I should be able to tell long ago.
I dont know, I meeting friends @ panjang tomorrow to study but I dont know why I dont feel like going. I know I know, I'll do my best.

AND CAN those freaking people stop sending me message like wtf, sex?
Hello, excuse me I not that open lah, you want I introduce you people. Stop spamming my message box. I'm getting pissed off.

I dont know what I want to post.
Bye.

2009-11-01T02:20:00.000-08:00

I feel damn sad now, you know why.
Cause everyone say I'm lying that I'm happy. KNS!
I say I'm truly happy no one believe, as if want me to be sad again.
I SWEAR I PROMISE, I'M REALLY HAPPY NOW.

Anw, Jeremy say he's going to bugis to catch toys for me(:
And Baby R, thanks. But dont worry, no matter what it's my decision is firm.
So anyway, yes. I get replied by the manager for that ktv.
They asked me to go down for interview, cool! Happy(:

Super happy now, and I send resume for roadshow girls too.
All waiting for reply, after O's I can do lots of things le.
Can learn violin, dance, guitar and piano. Super ultra happy, cause baby's going to learn violin with me. Maybe there got someone handsome ah. HAHA!
Guys who know how to play musical instruments are freaking cute and handsome, I always noticed that.
So, I'm just freaking bored keep spamming post.

2009-11-01T01:45:00.000-07:00

Independent will lead you to another path(:

Hello people, I'm good girl. I did a little TYS- chemisty.
HAHA! I guess I have to give up combine humans, geography might not be able to make it.
Looking through my past result felt abit sad, I always did well for social studies and some for geography, but I'm afraid my o's I will fail my geography.

Anw, I'm at lan shop, waiting for gary to come and find me.
AHHA! he's slowly preparing, so I'm slowly slacking also.
I vomited out my mac meal, my stomach is super uncomfortable.
Freaking hell:(

If you dont care why do you ask,
if you cant do it, why ask others?
I'm old enough to think, I'm no longer that kid anymore.
Yes I'm stubborn, but now I changed. I dont need anyone to tell me what to do and stuff.
I'll think now and stuff, yes for now it maybe hurt but as times pass by everything will be gone.
I believed times can heal everything, it may takes a long time, but I know I will do it like how I did it in the past.
Perhaps, this time maybe deeply, but all this will change.
I just need you to be truth and nothing else. I'm not greedy at all.
I just want an answer, an answer from the bottom of your heart.
Dont worry I told myself this morning, I would never be like yesterday anymore.(:
No matter how sad it's I'll faced it, I make sure. And I promised(:

2009-10-31T22:13:00.000-07:00

I'll keep my promise when you need me there, I'll believe, what is mine will be mine.
Be it at a later time or something, I know you'll return I'm confident(:

I'm back form blogging, haha!
MY BEST FRIEND, weiliang say my post are damn emo.
So he say I must post something happy.

Hmm, after 10 more days I'll be free from everything.
Happy? Super happy, I'll meet alot of my friends after O's(:
Like my best friend, my classmate, my baby, prom-night, my bff, my honey So many.
yes, I'll cheer up thanks people.
Then I realised, I did have great friends around me(: LOVESS.

And I believe if he's mine he'll be back.
I'll wait here for you, I wont disturb you or what. But always remember, as long as you need me,
I'll be there for you like how I promise you before. If the whole world look down on you, I'll also look upon you.
Dont worry, I'll really bless whatever decision you make. Cause rememeber we're bff lei.

So yes, I'll smile happily now. Cause I know that's the only thing you want me to do now.
I'll smile now, hope you too my bff(:

AND THANKS ALL MY BABY, BEST FRIEND, BESTIE, SUPERMAN,HONEY, BFF, SCHOOL CLIQUE. Especially MY BABIES!
Thanks alot, with you guys, that why i came so far, I dont know when I'll fall again but I know. you guys will always be there for me whenever I need you. Me too just a phone call away.
If you suddenly miss me, or feel sad or what so ever and find no one to talk to, just a message or call. AH TAN WILL FLY TO YOU, I promise.

I always keep my promise, cause I hate promises being break by anyone.
So I'll keep mine even all break theirs, life's actually not that down.
It depends how you look at stuff, now I'll be optimist(:

Going out later to meet gary, he also stay at bukit panjang. LOL!

2009-10-31T21:12:00.000-07:00

歌词：歌曲:断了的弦
歌手:周杰伦
断了的弦~
曲：周杰伦
词：方文山周杰伦
HandsomeCK制作

断了的弦再怎么连
我的感觉你已听不见
你的转变像断掉的弦
再怎么接音都不对
你的改变我能够分辨
我沉默你的话也不多
我们之间少了什么不说哎哟

微笑后表情终于有点难过
握着你的手
问你确定了再走我突然释怀地笑
笑声盘旋半山腰随风在飘摇啊摇
来到你的面前绕

你泪水往下地掉说会记住我的好
我也弯着了嘴角笑你的美已经给了谁
追了又追我要不回
我了解离开树的叶
属于地上的世界凋谢断了的弦

再弹一遍我的世界
你不在里面我的指尖已经弹出茧
还是无法留你在我身边断了的弦

再怎么连我的感觉
你已听不见你的转变
像断掉的弦再怎么接
音都不对你的改变我能够分辨
我沉默你的话也不多
我们之间少了什么不说哎哟

微笑后表情终于有点难过
握着你的手问你确定了再走我突然释怀地笑
笑声盘旋半山腰随风在飘摇啊摇
来到你的面前绕你泪水往下地掉
说会记住我的好我也弯着了嘴角笑你的美
已经给了谁追了又追我要不回
我了解离开树的叶属于地上的世界

凋谢断了的弦再弹一遍我的世界
你不在里面我的指尖已经弹出茧
还是无法留你在我身边断了的弦

再怎么练我的感觉
你已听不见你的转变
像断掉的弦再怎么接
音都不对你的改变我能够分辨

------------------------------------------------------------------------
爱情悬崖周杰伦

你说我像一个小孩
总爱让你猜
我说你才像个小孩总要我说才明白

有些事太快失去了等待
让爱没了期待我们的爱怎么才自然
每次沟通不来就要离开就说不要爱我掉进爱情悬崖

跌太深爬不出来下降的速度太快
来不及踏上未来你的爱反覆徘徊
打乱我呼吸节拍该怎么逃开
我控制不来

我掉进爱情悬崖回想起你的可爱
傻傻地还在等待以为你还会回来
你的脸慢慢离开时间快将我掩埋
消失得太快我负荷不来

你说我像一个小孩总爱让你猜
我说你才像个小孩总要我说才明白
有些事太快失去了等待
让爱没了期待我们的爱怎么才自然
每次沟通不来就要离开就说不要爱我掉进爱情悬崖

跌太深爬不出来下降的速度太快
来不及踏上未来你的爱反覆徘徊
打乱我呼吸节拍该怎么逃开
我控制不来我掉进爱情悬崖
回想起你的可爱傻傻地还在等待
以为你还会回来你的脸慢慢离开
时间快将我掩埋消失得太快
我负荷不来

2009-10-24T00:20:00.000-07:00

People my last post for today and maybe rest of this year I guess.
I hate the feeling I'm having now.
I hate this nowell tan,
I hate this me,
I hate this you,
I hate everything now.

Just then I realised you didnt love me as much as I thought of.
Perhaps, everyone changed. Even you.
I tried to let myself stay but I guess, you didnt even want to.
Perhaps, I shouldnt been so silly at all.
Bye people, I going off now.

2009-10-23T08:22:00.000-07:00

I'll collapse anytime.

I'm physical and mentally tired.

2009-10-22T09:22:00.000-07:00

Ice.

I'm super ultra unlucky today:(

Practical was freaking fcuk up, OHMYGOD!
Especially Physic, I freaking feel like killing people. Okay fine, I dont want to talk about it.
Just pray hard to it:)

And I LOST MY FREAKING CALCULATOR.
Nb, I'm super ultra pissed off:(

Anw, went back to school then went to library to find Hermes.
I swear the couple are super funny, Hermes keep making me laugh(:
AND THANKS TO HERMES(: she lend me her calculator. LOVESS.

So headed tiong then home then .... slack.
Lots of thoughts are running through my mind, at this moment I felt that I'm super useless.
Sigh, dont know bye.

2009-10-21T08:27:00.000-07:00

Bewildering,

lyonwyaotnstogr,stioorgfteesacuoyutondowknhowlilwtrhuyuotnex.
hoengutohefethur,imglflalingosno.idahyrlaedytrhowtahtiouserpyekotkounclymaerth.
iutnholsvenetsturittalal, owntioentdstatmerywamroe.

inawtotogutoowntoektaapedethebra.

2009-10-21T07:04:00.000-07:00

You just dont understand.

People, tomorrow's O level science practical. Nervous alright.
Anw, I'm quite bewildering right now, wtf man.
Everything cant seems to get in, other than pissed off and mixed feeling.
Nothing much I can feel. sigh.

Shall go now, bye people.
Wish me lucks=(:

~~Idontknowwhatyouwant.you'remakingmeconfused.I'mhavingallsortoffeelings.sickandtired~~

2009-10-18T01:30:00.000-07:00

The hurtful ones

Hello people, I blog for the sake of blogging.
I was actually blogging in another blog. But well, I just realistic I didnt bother about this blog.
Hmm, life's getting worst than before. And I'm getting tired.

Sometimes, I feel like crying out loud in the middle of night, because that's when no one see the weaker side of me. I'm tired of acting strong, I want to take out this mask, but it seems hard.
Cause I have to protect myself from everything, why is this so.

Where is the happy go lucky girl, I hate it now.
WTF is happening, time to get on with stuff.

I guess I'm closing down this blog and locking this blog soon(:
Bye people, heading to ecp soon(:

2009-10-16T10:27:00.000-07:00

PICTURE OF THE DAY.

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY, LOUIS TAN SONG WEI(:

SUPERMAN PLUS TURTLE.

Finally, 18 le ah, I'm 17 you are also 17 so poor thing:P

Anw, 18 must be more mature ah! cannnot bully me(:

And enjoy your birthday and may all your wishes come true.

Must treat Debbie good good leh(:

--------------------------------------------------------------

Hello people, today's the last day of school. Officially(:

Kind of sad, no more school as per normal. No more jokes.

No more classmate teasing, no more laughter.

No more encouragement, no more advice, no more nagging.

All no more, definitely 511'09 is the best one(:

Anw, went out with friends to find present then,

went to downtown with Boonpeng. :D

So chatted then reached there, I get bully lor:(

Damn sad, uncle, sihan,turtle, pig keep bullying me:(

My cheek:'( so sad:(

anw, met New friends(:

Headed home after which(: HOME SWEET HOME.

Super tiring now, and I have tons of worksheet to do:(

Meeting clique tomorrow, awesome. But still, I have to study. But have fun first.

More photos in FB, LOVES(:

2009-10-15T08:53:00.000-07:00

Bewildering

today's the last day for night study:(
So sad, I'll miss those time spending with you guys, FUN(:
So I was actually thinking whether should I blog or not.

But still, I blogged because edmund asked me to do so.
HAHA! he keep disturbing me:( how sad can that be.
Time spent in school was awesome and quite productive(:

So sosos, tomorrow going out with others for all those oct bday I guess.
HAHA! I cant wait for tomorrow cause it means weekends is coming(:

Anw, I'm freaking tired now.
I cant do my physic, ARUGH! cant absorb any:(

Shall go off now.
So many things happening, :( luckily I have my clique there(:

2009-10-14T09:42:00.000-07:00

once broken it'll never be the same.

I guess everything will end sooner or later.
Be it whatever it was, getting tired of it.

Awesome time spent with my clique(:
Shall make it short and sweet.
-didnt went to school.
-went for night study.
-chatted with them.
-played and chatted and gossip and whatelse.
-FUN(:

ANW, HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO YUMI(:
thanks baby, it was blessing to have you in my life.
you brought laughter and smile. Those crazy time and stuff(:
I'll never forget you:DDD

2009-10-12T09:54:00.000-07:00

Perhaps between it, is a line that affects it

Sorry people for the lag of update(":
Busy with school, school and school(:
And much appreciation to those who have been concern about me, nowell tan's back(:
As strong as before(:

Anw, Friday was our graduation day:(
Sad to say, after 5yrs in queensway secondary, I seriously dont feel like leaving.

With many cool teachers and caring teachers that mkae the effort and time for us(:
Also, schoolmates, classmates and friends I knew there, really. I love you guys alot.
More than I can express it out(:

I dont know why, I feel like tearing le. HAHAH! emotional?
Hmm, videos, performances by all was AWESOME! espeacially the video made by our polar bear and the dances by our favourite ms tan and others.
I'll never forget it. Sigh.

I shall stop and let the picture express out everything.
I'll only upload some, others are on fb.
But I've no idea why blogger cant upload it.
wasted my half and hour staring @nothing.

Bye shall go sleep, tomorrow having classes:(